


Don't Walk Away

by kaijuvenom



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oops, Pacific Rim Uprising, Precursor Newt, i dunno man im real tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-02-01 02:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21341458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaijuvenom/pseuds/kaijuvenom
Summary: noooo newt dont drift with that kaiju again youre so sexy ahahah
Relationships: Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Kudos: 11





	Don't Walk Away

In the months following the of the breach, Hermann was given many decisions. He could stay at the PPDC, he could become a professor at nearly any prestigious university, he could work for some other business, or he could even start his own. In the end, he decided to stay at the PPDC, perhaps because it was comfortable, calming, he knew the people, and… perhaps it was because Newt had said he was going to stay as well. That may have been a compelling reason. 

For a time, things seemed wonderful. Newt and Hermann were back to their regular schedule, granted, with much less urgency, late nights, and panicking, as there was no immediate or otherwise threat of giant monsters destroying the Earth from the Pacific Ocean. However, Newt had always been a wild card. He’d never found himself able to stay in one place for too long. Hermann had never really considered what he would do if Newt left the PPDC, and the news came as a horrible shock to him. Mostly because he was not told by Newt, but because he was told by Mako. The morning after Newt was already gone. 

Apparently, he’d received a job offer from some growing tech company. At first, Hermann had believed Newt had somehow convinced Mako to play a joke on him- if there was one thing Hermann knew for certain about Newt, it was that he was passionately (and often annoyingly) opposed to capitalism. Taking a high-paying job at a tech company seemed like the last thing he would do, especially when there was still perfectly good Pastaroni to eat and eight different forms of public transportation to take every morning and evening to and from work. However, once Mako had convinced him it wasn’t a joke, Hermann was left absolutely dumbfounded.

This resulted in him analyzing the way Newt had been acting ever since the sealing of the breach. He had been acting a bit oddly, his jokes a bit off-kilter, his mannerisms slightly off. Perhaps because he’d known he was leaving, he’d gotten tired of Hermann, there were so many possibilities. Hermann asked where he’d gone, and immediately requested time off for the next several days. There was absolutely no way in hell he was going to let Newt leave without so much as a goodbye or even an emailed memo. Hell, he would’ve taken a two-word email typed in Papyrus in bright yellow forty-seven point font. 

“Explanation, please,” was all Hermann said as he opened the door to Newt’s new office without knocking. 

Newt spun his chair around and stared at Hermann for half a second. “Oh. You.” His voice was odd, something was wrong, and alarm bells exploded in Hermann’s head. He nearly took a step back at Newt’s words, but he didn’t.

“Well. I got a job offer. I took it,” Newt explained to Hermann, as if he were a four-year-old. Something was most definitely not right. 

“Without telling me?” Hermann asked, ignoring the tone of Newt’s voice, his cruel and uncaring words, for the time being.

“I’m an adult,” Newt responded, shrugging. “Anyway, thanks for the visit, but I am actually really busy right now, so if-”

“Newton, what’s wrong?” Hermann asked, cutting him off. 

“What?” Newt laughed awkwardly. “Nothing’s wrong. I just… needed a change, you know me.”

“Is that… the only reason you left?” Hermann asked.

Newt stared at him for a few seconds, much like the way he had when Hermann had just walked in. There was something in his face that made Hermann want to be worried, that Newt was asking for help, but he couldn’t understand what was wrong.

“Yes,” he finally said, but the word came out almost like he was choking on it. 

Hermann took a step forward. “Tell me what’s going on, Newton.”

“Nothing! Nothing’s going on!” Newt held up his hands.

“Newton, please. I don’t want to lose you,” Hermann said quietly. “Just- tell me what’s going on.” 

“You-  _ I  _ am fine. It’s not my fault you’re… I dunno, dependent on hi-  _ me _ or something. Maybe move on, a little,” Newt suggested. His eyes flashed, and for a second, Hermann could’ve sworn they were a different color.

Hermann’s face hardened. “Fine. Everything you told me was a lie. I get it. Us working together was just a stepping stone for you.” He turned and left, slamming the door shut behind him, not waiting for Newt’s response, if he even had one. 

Hermann didn’t see Newt again for several more years. He didn’t try to contact him, he’d gotten the message loud and clear. Even though the message was extremely confusing and unexpected- in the worst possible way- Hermann didn’t ignore it. If Newt didn’t care about him, then he didn’t care about Newt.

**********

“Hermann- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry- I can’t-” Something in Newt’s voice shattered, something completely broke, and he collapsed, shaking. 

Hermann’s throat was raw, he choked, barely breathing. “Newton-” he managed to say. 

“I’m not-! I won’t- I won’t hurt you!” Newt yelled, before letting out a bloodcurdling scream, his hands going to his head. Then there was silence, only broken by Newt’s sporadic breathing.

“Newton?” Hermann repeated, lowering himself next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Finally looking up, Hermann noticed the tears running down his face, the agonized look in his eyes. “I… tried to kill you…” he said.

Hermann grabbed his shaking hands. “Newton. Breathe. Breathe.” 

“I- I tried to kill you,” he said again. 

“No. No, you didn’t. Newton, look at me.” 

“What did I do? What- oh god, I-” Newton struggled to stand up, his head turning wildly. “I was so lonely, I missed you, I missed you, Hermann, and I thought- I thought that if I could just- see you again- that I could-”

“The brain. You drifted with it again,” Hermann realized, his eyes widening.

“I didn’t- I thought it- it- it was connected to you still- and-” Newt broke off, his head falling into his hands. “What did I do?”

He stood, breaking from Hermann’s grasp and ran to the control panel. “How could I let this happen? What- what was I doing? Where was I?” 

He attempted to do something on the panel, but nothing happened. He yelled in frustration and smacked his hand repeatedly on a button. 

He finally collapsed against the panel, his head in his hands. “Oh my god, oh my god, they’re going to kill me, how could this- how could I-” He looked up at Hermann, eyes wild and desperate, and so _broken, _something Hermann had never seen before. The way he looked at him send sharp chills down his spine.

“You have to believe me, please, I didn’t- I didn’t mean for all this to happen!” 

Hermann stood up. “What did you think would happen?” There was no anger in his tone, but Newt flinched at the words.

“I just- I just wanted things to be like they were. I wanted to see you again. I wanted- I wanted to do something important. That’s why I left. I wanted you to be proud of me.” His voice quieted and he looked towards the floor. “But I completely fucked up.” 

Hermann didn’t answer. 

“I should just… leave. I should’ve done that to begin with, I don’t know why I thought I could-” He sighed. “No one understood. Ever. I tried to do so many things, I thought I could do more, do better, contribute to the world in a way no one else could, but I never- I never meant for this to happen!” he repeated, his breathing growing faster. 

“Why can’t I do  _ anything  _ right?” Newt was at the edge of a full-on panic attack, his hands gripping the control panel so hard his knuckles turned white. “I have to leave- I have to- I have to fix this-”

“Newton,” Hermann approached him and cautiously place his hands on his shoulders. “ _ We  _ can fix this. I’m here again. I’m here for you. Breathe.”

He messaged Newt’s shoulders gently. “In through the nose, out through the mouth. Slowly.” 

Hermann’s calming voice brought Newt back, reminding him of all the times Hermann had done this when they’d worked together, when Newt had became too overwhelmed, reminding him that they could work together, they could get through everything. 

“I can’t- We can’t- get through this,” Newt managed to say, staring into Hermann’s eyes. “I could’ve just ended the world, Hermann. I always knew- I knew I’d do something like this- I’d screw up and…” he trailed off, voice cracking.

“Newton, when we worked together, it was some of the best times of my life. You have no idea how much I missed you these past years. Everything we went through together- everything we did- I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” 

When Newt didn’t respond, Hermann continued. “I love you. I always have. There’s still time for you, Newton. There’s time for both of us. I built those Jaegers for a reason,” he said. “If the pilots can’t fight a few Kaiju with those enhanced weapons, that’s really not your fault anymore, is it?” he joked weakly. 

“Herms- I- I love you too,” Newt managed in a broken voice. “I’m so sorry. For everything. For leaving- for letting this happen- I just- I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you. You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise,” Hermann reassured him. He pulled Newt into his arms and they stayed there for long enough for it to be dangerous for them, but they didn’t care at the moment. Or at any moment, really. 


End file.
